1 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:43,840 Hello, boys. 2 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:45,720 - Ahh... - Someone's here to see you. 3 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:46,800 Really? 4 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,320 It's Gibby! 5 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:50,680 I am Gibby. 6 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,160 Er... Hi, Gibby. 7 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,160 Well, come in, come in. 8 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:00,040 Can you believe it? It's Gibby. 9 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:01,840 You are the Jonny? 10 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:05,160 - Er, yup. - And you are the Adam. 11 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:06,720 Or just "Adam". 12 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:08,920 I am the Gibby. 13 00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,400 OK. 14 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:14,320 - What an amazing surprise, eh, boys? - Yes, it would be if we... 15 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:15,760 (UNDER HIS BREATH) ...knew who she was. 16 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:18,000 What? Don't be silly. 17 00:01:18,039 --> 00:01:19,280 It's Gibby. 18 00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:22,600 To them, I am a mystery. Oh... 19 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:25,720 Aw... Gibby? 20 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,280 (WHISPERS) Oh, why were you so horrible to Gibby? 21 00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:29,600 - What? - Who's Gibby? 22 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:30,840 I am Gibby! 23 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:33,600 - Who is she? - She's your bloody au pair. 24 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:36,320 - So, we have an au pair now, do we? - I'll get the potty. 25 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:39,280 Not now, stupid! Your old au pair. She's come to visit. 26 00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:40,640 Old au pair? 27 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,880 Yes, you were four, Jonny was a baby. 28 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:44,960 - Wh...? - From Switzerland? 29 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,960 Liked animals? 30 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,000 Used to cry quite a lot. 31 00:01:49,039 --> 00:01:52,160 - The memory of me, it has vanished. - What? 32 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:55,440 Of course the memory of you hasn't vanished. (MOUTHS) 33 00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:59,400 BOTH: The memory of you hasn't vanished. 34 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,960 - There we are. - (SNIFFS) 35 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:06,800 I am Gibby. 36 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:08,000 Oh, my God. 37 00:02:08,039 --> 00:02:09,880 Come through, darling. 38 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,960 Well, did they remember her? 39 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,920 (SOBS) 40 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:18,480 She seems stable! 41 00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:20,160 Why did you have to say anything? 42 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,079 What? (SIGHS) 43 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:23,880 - (KNOCK ON DOOR) - Gibby? 44 00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:26,800 GIBBY: Excuse me, I am using the facilities. 45 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,079 She's using the facilities? 46 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:30,760 (TRICKLING) 47 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:33,160 She's using the facilities. 48 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:39,320 Well, they're obviously excellent facilities. 49 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,480 - She's still in there? - Shh! 50 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:44,240 - Who just turns up? - Stop it, will you? 51 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,680 - So, how long's she staying? - Five bleeding nights. 52 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,000 All right, Martin. 53 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,280 Ah, five nights with a total nutjob. 54 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,800 She's not a nutjob. 55 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:53,240 No, he said "total nutjob". 56 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:55,640 - (SNIGGERS) - Martin! 57 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,000 She's just a little emotional. 58 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,440 Gibby was always a little emotional, wasn't she, Martin? 59 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:03,240 - A little emotional? - Oh, she was so sweet. 60 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,040 She used to love it here. 61 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,640 And you know, she's already asked about having a cream tea. 62 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:09,320 - (JACKIE LAUGHS) - Only 40 bloody times. 63 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,200 Sorry, having a cream tea? 64 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:15,000 What, like scones and cream and jam? 65 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:18,000 Yeah. Don't you remember? Gibby used to go to the hotel round the corner 66 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:19,360 and have a cream tea every day. 67 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,920 Every day, she had a cream tea? 68 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,320 And you let this woman look after your children, did you? 69 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:25,320 - For a whole year. - Very good. 70 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,800 While she worked her way through 365 cream teas. 71 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,079 Stop it. 72 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:31,960 She just tried one once, and was, you know, hooked. 73 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,960 Total nutjob! 74 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:37,320 Shut up. You used to adore her, Adam! 75 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:39,320 - Adore her. - All right. 76 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:41,480 - I return. - Oh. There you are, love. 77 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,040 - Everything OK now? - Yes. 78 00:03:43,079 --> 00:03:45,040 The facilities, they are clean. 79 00:03:45,079 --> 00:03:47,680 - Oh. Great. - I sit in the vicinity of the boys? 80 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,360 Um... 81 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:57,200 - The vicinity. - Aw, Gibby and our little babies. 82 00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:58,960 Smile! 83 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,360 - (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) - Mum! 84 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,560 Aw, lovely. 85 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:04,120 Aw. 86 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,680 And now we go for the cream tea? 87 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:09,200 - Christ! - Er, not now, Gibby, OK? 88 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:13,360 But you are saying, the old hotel, it is still providing the cream teas? 89 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,320 Yes, but we'll get a cream tea another day. 90 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:18,279 (GIBBY SIGHS) 91 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:20,680 Gibby's very sad. 92 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:24,040 Um...Gibby's also visiting 93 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:26,680 some of the other families she used to work for all those years ago. 94 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,080 - Isn't that...? - ...weird? 95 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:30,560 Yes, I am performing all the visits. 96 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:33,040 The family Sullivan, they is nice. 97 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:36,480 The family Goodman, they is very nice. 98 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:38,880 Aw! 99 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,920 The family Carter, they is the best family. 100 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:44,680 Um, right. 101 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:47,000 But they is dead. 102 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,200 - (DOORBELL RINGS) - I'm getting that. 103 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:51,800 - What he said. - Yup. 104 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,800 Hello, boys and man. 105 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:57,600 - JONNY AND ADAM: Hi. - All right, Jim? 106 00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:00,360 No, I'm not all right, actually. 107 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,400 - Really? - I'm wounded. 108 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:03,920 JONNY AND ADAM: Wounded? 109 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,160 Oh, God, Jim, come in. 110 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:06,600 Thank you, Martin. 111 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,960 Come on, Milson. Get up there. 112 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,400 (JIM GASPS) 113 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,000 That's it. 114 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:14,000 Where's your wound? 115 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:15,240 Here. 116 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,080 That's your wound? 117 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,440 I don't have any plasters, you see, 118 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:26,040 and what if a dirty microbe got inside the wound 119 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:29,080 and travelled all the way down to my organs? 120 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,160 Your organs? 121 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,440 Yes, my kidneys, my livers. 122 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:33,720 You only have one liver, Jim. 123 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,000 I only have one liver now? 124 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,080 Everything all right? 125 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,760 Jim's lost one of his livers. 126 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,520 - Huh? - Do you have a plaster, Jackie? 127 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:45,480 I have a terrible gaping wound. 128 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:46,560 God... 129 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,400 - Jonny, get a plaster. - Go on, Pusface. 130 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:49,520 - Ugh! - JACKIE: Jonny! 131 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:53,280 A man and a dog, they is in the house. 132 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:54,600 (MILSON WHINES) 133 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:55,640 (LAUGHS) 134 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,480 Um, Jim, this is Gibby. 135 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:00,320 It's Gibby. 136 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,120 The dog is large. 137 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:04,880 Is it? 138 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:07,640 Um, Gibby's from Switzerland. 139 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:10,200 In Switzerland, the dogs of the mountain, 140 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:12,520 they is as large as wolves. 141 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:13,760 Wolves? 142 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:17,400 Er, Gibby was our au pair. 143 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:20,640 - A pear? - Right. Auf Wiedersehen. 144 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,240 JACKIE: Er, thank you. 145 00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:25,120 - Plaster. - Thanks, Bobble. 146 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:26,880 Jim, do you want me to do it for you, or...? 147 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,000 Gibby do my plaster? 148 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:30,600 OK. 149 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,400 One, two... 150 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:39,159 - (MOANS) - ...it is done. Good boy! 151 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:40,600 Good girl. 152 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:42,480 And now I must use the facilities. 153 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,960 Jackie, might I also use the facilities? 154 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,960 Jim, Gibby's using the loo. 155 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,800 (TRICKLING) 156 00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:57,720 Yes, Gibby's using the loo. 157 00:06:57,760 --> 00:06:59,480 Goodbye, Jim. 158 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,720 Oh, yes. Come on, Milson. 159 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:04,520 (TRICKLING STOPS) 160 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,040 Yes, Switzerland... 161 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:09,120 - (SIGHS) - Has Professor Bonkers gone? 162 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:10,760 - Martin. - What? 163 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:12,680 Jim fancies Gibby. 164 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,640 Shit on it. 165 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,120 - Can't we just start? - Shh. 166 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:22,560 What's she still doing in there? 167 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:24,280 Rebuilding the facilities? 168 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:25,520 - (MESSAGE ALERT) - (SIGHS) 169 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,520 - Jim! Not again. - What's he want now? 170 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:32,000 - "Is Gibby warm enough in the house?" - Seriously? 171 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:34,240 He met her for one minute. He's bloody obsessed with her. 172 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:35,600 - (MESSAGE ALERT) - (SIGHS) 173 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,320 Another one? 174 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:40,280 "Please ensure Gibby has easy access to fresh water." 175 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:41,520 Boys, get the hosepipe. 176 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,920 Yeah, and strangle me with it. (LAUGHS) 177 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:45,120 I return. 178 00:07:45,159 --> 00:07:46,600 Um, great. 179 00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:49,320 Everything OK now? 180 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:52,040 Yes. My body, it is emptied. 181 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,440 How nice. 182 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:56,800 Right, tuck in, everyone. (LAUGHS) 183 00:07:56,840 --> 00:08:00,440 Ooh, and there's still about 900,000 potatoes, so don't be shy. 184 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,760 (MARTIN GROANS) 185 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:05,560 - That's it, Martin, don't be shy. - Agh! 186 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:10,040 Gibby, nice? 187 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:11,360 Gibby is nice? 188 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,520 Er, the food - do you like the taste? 189 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:17,160 Mmm. This is a difficult question. 190 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:18,960 Really? Why? 191 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,640 Because there is no taste. 192 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:22,680 And you're staying for how long? 193 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:24,240 For the five nights. 194 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:27,040 Ah, yes, the five nights. 195 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,680 Actually, Jackie, the taste that is the best for me 196 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:32,159 is the taste of the cream tea. 197 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:33,760 Bloody hell. 198 00:08:33,799 --> 00:08:37,400 You know? The scone and the cream. 199 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:41,000 - Um, yeah, love. - And the jam of the berries of the straw. 200 00:08:41,039 --> 00:08:43,320 Strawberry jam. 201 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,920 So, we're getting the cream tea now, ja? 202 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:48,440 - Now? - Er, not now, Gibby, OK? 203 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:50,560 Maybe tomorrow? Hmm? 204 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:54,760 This is a tragedy. 205 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:57,400 (WHISPERS) Five nights. 206 00:08:57,440 --> 00:08:59,200 (DOORBELL RINGS) 207 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,440 - Oh... Jim? - Obviously. 208 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:03,800 Obviously. 209 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,520 - Hmm? - Nothing. What do you want? 210 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:07,480 Erm... 211 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:10,760 Great. 212 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,760 Um, I must apologise, 213 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:17,000 but I think I left something in your house, 214 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,920 you know, when I was here earlier. 215 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,200 Really? What? 216 00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:23,920 How's Gibby? 217 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:25,760 Erm, fine. 218 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:26,800 What did you lose, Jim? 219 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,200 Where's Gibby? 220 00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,160 She's in the dining room. What did you lose? 221 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:34,480 Yes, I lost it in the dining room. 222 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,480 No, you didn't lose it in the dining room 223 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:39,480 because you didn't go in the dining room, remember? 224 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:40,800 You were just here. 225 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,200 Yes, well, maybe the thing that I lost... 226 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,840 ...it rolled all the way from here 227 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,440 into...dining room. 228 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:54,840 OK. And the thing that you lost was...? 229 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:57,640 A marble. 230 00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:01,000 - Of course it was. - Yes, it was a particularly round marble 231 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:06,720 because it rolled all the way from here to remain... 232 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:09,160 - Jim? - ...here. 233 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,720 - Hello, all. - Pissing heck. 234 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:15,280 - Oh, hi, Jim. - Jim's lost a pretend marble. 235 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:16,760 Pretend marble? 236 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,880 Real marble. 237 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:20,040 Huh? 238 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:21,400 Hello... 239 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,640 ...Gibby. 240 00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,000 Jim. 241 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:26,880 Um... 242 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:29,720 Is that all, Jim, or...? 243 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,400 Oh, yes. 244 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:32,880 Actually, no. 245 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:37,280 There is something I need to talk to Gibby about. 246 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,720 - Really? - Um... 247 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:42,240 Switzerland. 248 00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:43,880 Mm-hm? 249 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:50,240 - Well, thanks, Jim. So, if you could... - You... 250 00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:51,760 Martin? 251 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:55,160 - Come on, Jim. - (LAUGHS) 252 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:57,560 - Hmm... - Come on. 253 00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:58,760 Right! 254 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:00,240 (GROANS) 255 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:02,880 My God. 256 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:05,560 Erm, sorry about him, Gibby. 257 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:06,800 He is a nice man? 258 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:08,920 - Hmm... - Um... 259 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,720 - He has the fat legs? - What? 260 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:12,480 - I'm sorry? - Fat legs? 261 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:14,120 Because the man I was with, 262 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:15,880 I am having to finish with him 263 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:17,720 because he has the fat legs. 264 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,760 So, normal reasons, then. 265 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:21,720 Jackie, you think Jim has the fat legs? 266 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:25,360 Er, I wouldn't really know about that, love. (LAUGHS) 267 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,800 (GIBBY MOANS) 268 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,040 (DOOR CLOSES) 269 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,280 Nearly broke my bleeding back. 270 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,200 (GIBBY MOANS) 271 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,080 Everything all right, there, Gibby? 272 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:40,040 She's thinking about the fat legs. 273 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,000 - The fat legs? - Hmm. 274 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:43,520 You OK, love? 275 00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:47,680 I am just remembering living in the house with the Goodman family. 276 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:51,600 It is the happiest time in the life for Gibby. 277 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:54,360 - Aw, sweetie. - (SOBS) 278 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,480 Sometimes I wished you was my family. 279 00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:00,040 (SOBBING INTENSIFIES) 280 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:06,080 Oh, come here, love. 281 00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:07,640 Don't be sad. 282 00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:10,000 (SOBBING) Jackie! 283 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:16,400 Jackie, there is only one thing that can make me feel happy in this moment. 284 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:18,880 Really? And what's that? 285 00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:23,680 I mean, it's ridiculous. 286 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,640 Going for a cream tea halfway through dinner? 287 00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:27,200 Who wants to bloody do that? 288 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:28,480 I want to bloody do that. 289 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:30,320 That's cos you'll eat anything at any time. 290 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:32,200 Yeah, is there anything you won't eat, ever? 291 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,960 Erm, wasps? 292 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:38,360 Oh, hurry up with the facilities. 293 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,240 You OK, Gibby? 294 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:43,960 I am now re-emptied. 295 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,760 Mazeltov. Let's go. 296 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,640 Oh, crap. What are you doing there? 297 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:53,720 Oh, just looking for my very round marble. 298 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:55,760 (MARTIN GRUNTS) 299 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,120 Hello, Gibby. 300 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,600 Hello...the Jim. 301 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:03,480 Well, we're just popping out now, so... 302 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:05,600 Oh, where are you popping to? 303 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:06,800 (WHISPERS) Don't tell him. 304 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:10,360 We go to the old hotel Welmsley to have the cream tea. 305 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,840 You put cream in your tea? 306 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:15,120 It's a creamy tea? 307 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:16,240 Goodbye. 308 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:18,920 Oh, I forget. 309 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:21,520 JACKIE: Gibby? 310 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,160 Oh-oh-oh! 311 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,640 Hmm. 312 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,960 Gibby fancies Jim. 313 00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:45,240 Well, here we are. 314 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:49,240 Oh, my mouth is very excited for the taste of the cream tea. 315 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:52,040 Is your mouths very excited for the taste of the cream tea? 316 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,440 Oh, yes, we all have very excited mouths. 317 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:57,240 And now I must use the facilities. 318 00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:58,840 Bloody hell. 319 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,640 Can't we just dump her here for five nights? 320 00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:02,480 What, the hotel or the car park? 321 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:05,000 - Either will do. - (LAUGHS) Come on. 322 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,160 Wait. That's Bradley. 323 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:07,480 JACKIE: Bradley? 324 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:10,240 It is. I haven't seen him for about 40 years. 325 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:11,880 We went to school together. 326 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:13,680 Oh, God... (GASPS) 327 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:17,240 - He's lost an arm. Poor Bradley. - Oh, dear. 328 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,080 Erm, excuse me. 329 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:23,280 I don't believe it! It's Martin bloody Goodman. 330 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,680 That's right! Hello, Bradley. 331 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:28,360 - Er, Neville. - Oh, yes, I meant Neville. 332 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,880 Shirley, this is Martin. We went to school together. 333 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:32,280 Lovely to meet you. 334 00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:34,400 Oh, yes, this is my family. 335 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:38,000 The wife and, er, the children. 336 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:39,240 Thank you. 337 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:42,640 You know, lads, me and your dad got up to no end of mischief at school. 338 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:43,600 - Really? - Did you? 339 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:47,360 Hey! Remember old Hastings' car, when we let down all his tyres? 340 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:50,240 - What? No. - Yeah, by the main hall. 341 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,880 And we did Miss Gant's tyres. 342 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:55,040 - Did we? - And Mr Dudley's tyres. 343 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:56,320 - Don't you remember? - Erm... 344 00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:59,040 - He doesn't have the best memory. - He hasn't got a memory! 345 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:02,720 Er, by the way, I'm so sorry. When, er... 346 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:04,320 When did that happen? 347 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,400 When did what happen? 348 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,160 Your arm. 349 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:09,440 - My arm? - His arm? 350 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,200 - Are you joking, or something? - Sorry? 351 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,720 - I didn't have an arm when I knew you. - Oh, God. 352 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:18,000 - Didn't you? - No! I was born without an arm. 353 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:19,320 Shit. I must have forgot. I... 354 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,440 Er... 355 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:23,760 Um... 356 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:26,760 Well, nice to have met you all. 357 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,560 - Yeah, really nice. - You've never had an arm? 358 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:30,720 Goodbye, Martin. 359 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,400 Yeah, see you, Bradley. 360 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:33,880 Neville! 361 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:36,960 Well, that wasn't the most embarrassing conversation of all time. 362 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:38,960 Yeah, well done, Dad. 363 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,600 Fancy not remembering he didn't have an arm! 364 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,360 All right. I remembered he didn't have a tail. 365 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,680 Martin! 366 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:46,040 - Hello, all. - (OTHERS GROAN) 367 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,880 Is this the right place for a creamy tea? 368 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,200 (GIGGLES HYSTERICALLY) Oh, Jim! Oh, no! 369 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,280 Naughty Mr Metal Spoon's coming back for more! 370 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:59,320 - (LAUGHS) No, Jim, no! - Please make it stop. 371 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,280 (JIM GROANS) 372 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,240 Erm, five cream teas? 373 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:06,280 Thank God. 374 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:07,520 There you are. 375 00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:13,800 And one...creamy...tea. 376 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,120 Ahh! 377 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:18,120 Creamy tea. 378 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:21,080 Mmm... 379 00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:23,800 Mm-nnn... 380 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:26,640 Lovely and thick. 381 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:32,800 Jackie, 25 years I am waiting for the delicious cream tea. 382 00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:36,200 Well, I hope you enjoy it as much as you used to. 383 00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:38,440 I hope so also, Jackie. 384 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:40,080 Very much. 385 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:48,200 - Well? - Well? 386 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,640 - Oh... - Gibby? 387 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,240 The cream, it is too much sweet. 388 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:55,160 The jam, it is too much not sweet. 389 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,160 And the scone... (SNIFFS) 390 00:16:58,320 --> 00:16:59,760 It is smelly. 391 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:02,120 Smelly? 392 00:17:04,319 --> 00:17:07,119 (SOBS AND WAILS) 393 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:12,280 (JIM SLURPS) 394 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:18,920 Well, this is terrific. 395 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,680 Oh, come on, Gibby, come out now. 396 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:27,000 I do not never come out. 397 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,720 What a shame. What are we meant to do? 398 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,440 Nothing. She just spends the next five nights locked in a hotel bog. 399 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:33,640 Yup. 400 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:34,760 And where's your father? 401 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,200 Er, he's just finishing his five cream teas. 402 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:38,480 (JACKIE SIGHS) 403 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:42,440 Oh, come out, will you? 404 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:45,560 Jackie, I've finished my creamy tea 405 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:49,320 and now I'm all ready to liberate Gibby. 406 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,840 You're going to liberate Gibby, are you, Jim? 407 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:53,560 - Yes, Jackie. - Right. 408 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,440 And what are you going to do? Kick the door down? 409 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:59,040 Erm... Stand back, please. 410 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:10,480 Whipsee diddledee dandy dee 411 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,960 Whipsee diddledee dandy dee 412 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,640 With a sword and buckler by his side 413 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:23,080 Whipsee diddledee dandy dee! 414 00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:25,040 (HUMS THE MELODY) 415 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,280 (DOOR OPENS) 416 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:36,560 Thank you, Jim. It is beautiful. 417 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:48,560 - We're going. - What do you mean, we're going? 418 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:50,320 - Don't ask. - I've still got another 419 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:51,680 three cream teas to get through. 420 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,640 - Come on. - Jackie! 421 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:54,640 Come on! 422 00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:58,160 I'm sorry, Martin. 423 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,200 The girl's too much. She's just too much. 424 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,640 - Hmm? - Ugh! 425 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:03,080 JACKIE: Martin! 426 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:04,920 - ADAM: Dad... - What? 427 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,320 Your tyres? 428 00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:08,120 Oh, crap. 429 00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:11,440 I wonder who did that! 430 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:14,960 Neville-sodding-Bradley git. 431 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,360 Right, well, here we are, then, Jim. 432 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,040 Yes, here we are. 433 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,560 Not you. 434 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,400 Oh, Jim is not here? 435 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:28,560 - No, he's just had to pop home and... - Make love to his dog. 436 00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:30,080 - (THUD) - Ow! 437 00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:32,320 Gibby is so sad without Jim. 438 00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:34,720 Yes, well, I'm sure you'll survive. 439 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:39,040 Why don't you come and have a nice little sit-down in the living room? 440 00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:42,120 - On the own? - That's right - on the own. 441 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,280 Mum? 442 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:46,640 Upstairs. 443 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:53,520 Ooh, what about this place? 444 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,160 Martin, you've shown me that place five times already. 445 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:57,280 It's fully booked. 446 00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:58,320 All right. 447 00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:00,800 Isn't it a bit mean to just stick her in a hotel for the weekend? 448 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,440 - No. - Boys, it's only a couple of nights. 449 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:05,520 - This place? - Oh, my God, it's the same place! 450 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,800 Right, move. I'm doing it. (SIGHS) 451 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,720 Boys, please give your father internet lessons. 452 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:12,320 Bloody internet. 453 00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:15,280 There's got to be somewhere near that's got a room. 454 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:16,560 That place looks all right. 455 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:18,120 Does it look all right? 456 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,440 "I found a rat in my room." 457 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:21,960 The London Rat Hotel. 458 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:23,200 Oh, shit. 459 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:25,680 You know, we're the ones that should be staying in a hotel, 460 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:27,320 Jackie, not old giblet features. 461 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:30,240 - (LAUGHS) - Having a bit of time to ourselves. 462 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:31,920 Oh, Dad! 463 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,320 Having a bit of nippy-nippy. 464 00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:34,360 Argh! 465 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,960 Oh, my God, you're animals! 466 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,080 Oh, just go downstairs, then, if you don't like it. 467 00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:39,880 - We don't like it. - Yeah. 468 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:44,040 Enjoy your five nights with Gibby-Gibby and no nippy-nippy. 469 00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:45,680 Sods. 470 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,640 - I mean... - JIM: Gibby! 471 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,760 - (GIBBY GIGGLES) - Oh, Casanova's back. 472 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,440 JIM: Gibby! 473 00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:53,440 (SALSA MUSIC) 474 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,120 Terrific evening. 475 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:04,560 And jump! 476 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:07,920 - JIM: Gibby! - (GIBBY LAUGHS) 477 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,560 Er, Jonny? 478 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,360 What? 479 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:21,400 Er, why are Mum and Dad driving off in your car? 480 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:23,960 - Oi! - Mum? Dad? 481 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,160 - Hey! - Come back! 482 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:29,080 - Where are they bloody going?! - Right! 483 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:31,440 What's going on? 484 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:33,480 Adam? 485 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,840 - What's that? - Obviously they're not answering. 486 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,200 - The shits. - "Found a room 487 00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,120 "in a rat-free hotel. Back late Sunday." 488 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,280 - Oh, my God! - The shits! 489 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,320 "Please look after Gibby." 490 00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:46,360 - They want us to look after Gibby? - Bastards! 491 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,200 What's Dad put here? Oh. Two words - "nippy-nippy". 492 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:51,240 - Nice touch. - I can't believe it. 493 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:53,360 - They've dumped us here with bloody... - GIBBY: Hello? 494 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:55,640 The mother and the father, they is gone? 495 00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:59,200 Er, they've just had to go away for a couple of days, Gibby. 496 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:00,240 Yeah. 497 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,400 But who will look after Gibby? 498 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,680 BOTH: We will look after Gibby. 499 00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:14,000 Can we do some more erotic dancing now, Gibby? 500 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,720 Jim, I am thinking we have the upstairs of the house 501 00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,800 - to ourselves tonight. - Oh, God. 502 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:23,040 Maybe we can be having some fun. 503 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:24,440 Ooh, Gibby... 504 00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:29,080 - Ahh... Ahh! - Er... 505 00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:32,880 You are liking what you are seeing? 506 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:34,440 Oh, yes, Gibby. 507 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:35,840 Guys... 508 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,840 Maybe you are liking to see some more? 509 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:42,800 (BREATHES RAPIDLY) 510 00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:44,720 Ah! 511 00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:46,200 Wolves! 512 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,200 Wolves! 513 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,400 (JIM WHIMPERS) 514 00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:54,080 (SCREAMS AND WHIMPERS) 515 00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:55,440 Oh... 516 00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:56,760 Oh. 517 00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:58,000 Hmm. 518 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:01,800 I use the facilities.